discombobulated episode

So with everything going on with me, I’m beginning to think, am I having an episode? I’m so deathly afraid of having an episode that I could possibly be denying that I am in one. Does an episode mean I have to be depressed? I don’t even know if I am depressed. I haven’t been depressed in a long time. I know my mind is … Continue reading discombobulated episode

I want to crawl under a rock and hide…

I haven’t spoken about my mental illness to anyone in a very long time until this past week. I’ve been doing great, I’ve been happy and moving along with life just fine. I still see my psychiatrist every few months. I didn’t think talking about my condition to someone new would start making me feel the way I do now, which I really can’t explain … Continue reading I want to crawl under a rock and hide…

I come with a warning label…

I’ve been a sickly child my entire life. I was born one month premature, explains the sickly child thing. I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t on any sort of medication whether it be over the counter or prescription, I’ve just been taking them all my life. It wasn’t until recently when I’ve gone a year or two without coming down … Continue reading I come with a warning label…

I know how you feel…

Everybody goes though tough times in their lives. Everybody has different experiences. When we tell our stories to other people, do they really understand what we’ve been through and what it felt like to live through those times? Even if the situation is similar, can we still say to the other person, “I know how you feel?” Sometimes I feel like the feelings that someone … Continue reading I know how you feel…

Will I ever get over it?

So the past that I thought many times I had gotten over suddenly found it’s way back to remind me of what happened again… Yesterday, my Whiskey Words and a Shovel calendar said this… I couldn’t stop staring at the words printed on the page. Old feelings rushed through my mind over and over again bringing back the feelings that I thought I had many … Continue reading Will I ever get over it?

“Nobody Can Save Me”

It’s been three years since I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder and it has been quite a roller coaster ride. Thankfully my doctor has found the right combination of medications to get me stable for about a year now and I am doing great. When Linkin Park released their last album, “One More Light,” there was one particular song in there that hit me hard… … Continue reading “Nobody Can Save Me”

I think it’s not over yet…

While things have been good for the past 9 months… my doctor hasn’t changed my meds, I haven’t had any depressive episodes in the past 6 months and everything seems to be okay, I still feel like my depression is hanging around, waiting to release some energy at some point. It’s been too long on the upside of things and it’s time to go back … Continue reading I think it’s not over yet…

I didn’t think it was possible…

I have this friend who was going through deep depression the same time I was. We would sulk in our misery together. Somehow our level of depression seemed to always be the same every time we saw each other. When we were at our lowest point, I remember us saying how we didn’t remember what it felt like to be happy. That we haven’t smiled … Continue reading I didn’t think it was possible…

the year that I died

Things were already falling apart. I couldn’t tell you when it began, I just remember my therapist telling me at some point that I needed to see a psychiatrist. Why, because everything that I had buried so deep inside and chose to forget and other things that I didn’t know were there started pouring out of me and I couldn’t hold it together anymore. For … Continue reading the year that I died