My mom’s boyfriend

My mom and I go on dates maybe once a month and we’ve been doing this since my real parents divorced. I’m always the stand in when she doesn’t have a significant other to cling on to. At some point after she and my stepdad divorced, she started dating. Since I’ve been in the dating scene for quite some time now, she turns to me for advice. I absolutely hate it! I think it’s inappropriate, I am her daughter, not her girlfriend. So sometime last year, on one of our dates, she starts talking about this guy. She was actually saying how much she didn’t like him and nitpicking every little thing that she didn’t like about him. Okay so… About a month or two later, all of a sudden she starts telling me that she really likes him and he is everything she has always been looking for. I’m like, you just nit picked everything about him last month and now you’re telling me that he’s the one for you? And it’s only been a month! Gosh, give it some time!

So it’s been a year and obviously he’s been introduced and actually has hung out with the family. My sister and her husband seem to like him. Everyone seems to like him, except me and my brother. He made the mistake of calling my brother “buddy” the first time they met! The first time! My brother is 38 years old, you don’t call an adult “buddy!” With me, I still am not sure how I feel about him considering that my mom was wishy washy with him in the beginning and I really haven’t spent that much time with him and I don’t want to. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, I’m just not ready yet. Look what happened with my stepdad, he and my mom divorced after 10 years. Every time he is at a family event, I keep my distance. I will say hi but that’s it. I don’t have anything to say to him and I feel like he is trying too hard to get my approval. Just let it happen naturally dude. You are just my mom’s boyfriend.

Yesterday was my birthday. My mom tried to plan a surprise birthday dinner for me with my sister’s and my dad’s family. It all fell apart because the restaurant was busy and I got there before everyone else. In all honesty I knew they were going to be there anyway. So I was sitting at the bar with my mom and her boyfriend was on the other side of her. We were conversating and I wasn’t looking at him directly and mainly just talking to my mom. I don’t know if my mom knows exactly how I feel about him. All of a sudden she asked me, in front of him, if it was okay that he was there too!!!! Talk about putting someone on the spot!!! Of course I said yes it’s fine, what am I going to do, say no and make him go home and not join us for dinner? I’m not that type of person, regardless of how I feel about the guy. She did this to my brother too before. During dinner, I sat in the middle of the table. My mom was to my left and of course he was sitting next to her. After dinner, we all get up and since he’s in the end, he waits for me to stand up, says happy birthday to me and then proceeded to try to give me a hug. Of course I say thank you and turned and made it an awkward side hug. I’m not trying to be childish but I’m just not there yet with him. When you are not comfortable with someone, you can’t force it. He just keeps pushing. I think because my mom tells him that I’m the nice one out of me and my siblings. My brother and sister will tell you exactly how they feel right then and there regardless if it is good or bad.

This morning I called my mom out on it, via text of course because I’m just not good with confrontation, and somehow she turns it around and plays the victim and then I feel bad for even saying anything. What the?!? I can go on and on about my mom and our relationship but that would take forever. Right now I just don’t know how I feel about her boyfriend and I don’t intend on rushing it or forcing the issue regardless of how many times he may be around the family. It’s not that I’m not giving him a chance, there is just something that isn’t sitting right with me and I am being cautious for my moms sake. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Now I feel bad and think that I shouldn’t act this way towards anyone but, I’ve always had to put my feelings aside because everyone else is judgmental and say how they feel and I’m expected to be the nice one. I’m putting an end to that and I’m sorry that it has to start with him. I’m putting myself and my feelings first these days. Finally!

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