Live life unleashed

So I take Mochi to the dog park every day, Monday through Friday. Going to the park isn’t just going to the park and taking a stroll and run around a bit then go home, it’s a whole social hour! Mochi has her friends and I have mine. Mochi’s mission in life, whether we are at the park or home or walking around the neighborhood, is to get her belly rubbed by every single human she comes across. Forget the other dogs around, she goes straight for the humans. When we get to the park, Mochi knows exactly knows where to go, her first lap to sit on is Jan’s lap and make Buddy jealous (Jan’s dog).

After her hugs and kisses from Jan and Adam, we walk down the path to go and look for Wade. Now Wade is the park’s dog whisperer, cookie man, treat guy, and whatever other name the other people give him. ALL the dogs follow him around wherever he goes because they know he’s got treats in his pockets. Dogs forget to follow their owners when he is around. He’s usually got a few dogs that he is watching for that day with him.

20170712_181405_Film2

So we find Wade. Mochi gets her first treat and joinS the pack with the regulars Dwight, Eva, Riley and Tyler. Sometimes Scooter when Bill is not there. Don’t forget Piper. Here we are walking along the path of the park, Wade and I with 5 or more dogs trailing behind us. We pick up other dogs along the way. About halfway through our walk, we do what we call “Table Time.” This is when all the dogs jump up on the picnic tables, Wade gets them all to sit and gives them treats one by one, by name and they all listen to him like he is their master.

After he’s given them about three or four treats each, we head back to his car to load up on more treats and meet up with the other dogs and humans. Mochi will make her rounds and go up to people and immediately lie on her back so you could rub her belly. Now there are certain people that she will automatically go to without question, her favorites, she gets longer belly rubs and major hugs and kisses from these people and they love her just as much. Sometimes she will cut clear across the field and run up to one of her favorite people just to get those hugs and kisses. She can’t get enough of them and they can’t get enough of her.

20170705_193543_Film2

After her meet and greets, she mingles with the other dogs. We sit around and socialize with everyone around and just have a relaxing time. Then it’s time to go home. half of the time Mochi will follow me to the car, half of the time, she will stick around with her friends and not want to go home. That is the only time I ever have to put her on a leash at the park, unless she is being bad. Eventually she follows. We race to the car, she knows which car is ours and stands at the door waiting for me to open in so she can hop in. Time well spent in this daily routine of ours.

Sadly our park days will end in a couple of weeks due to Daylight savings time. I get out of work when it is already dark so I can’t take her to the park. I just walk her around the neighborhood when I get home. Talk about a drastic change. I feel bad because Mochi gets depressed during this time. She doesn’t see her friends for 5 months! But, this is our routine until Spring when Daylight savings time begins again, then back to the park we go.

A week and a half to go and we’ll make the most of it!

 

Advertisements

someone is watching over me

So about two weeks ago, something bad happened to me… My apartment was broken into in the middle of the night while I was home sleeping! Scary, creepy, I know! Tell me about it! I was there! But I’m okay, I got away unscathed.

So this is what happened… I went to bed at 11:00 pm, Mochi sleeping next to me as usual. Sometime in the middle of the night, before 3:00 am, i woke up to Mochi whimpering. I went to go check on her and she was at the door whimpering and when I looked up, I noticed that the door was unlocked! Now, I know that the doors were locked when I went to bed. I checked around the apartment to see if anyone was there, but there wasn’t. I went back to bed. The next morning I get woken up by a phone call from my building manager asking if I was okay? I jump out of bed and rush to the front door to see what was going on and my building manager and some neighbors were outside my apartment. The planter box in front of my kitchen window was moved, the screen on my window was popped out and on the floor and the glass window was wide open! Obviously someone had broken in in the middle of the night, went in through the kitchen window and walked out the front door. The asked to see if anything was missing and sure enough my purse was gone! At the same time I couldn’t fine one of my cats, Moo Moo.

The first thing that popped in my head was my sister and brother’s sensitive information was in my purse and they could be compromised. I immediately called my sister and let her know what was going on. I tried calling the police right after and having to go through voice prompts to get to the right department and at the same time my neighbors helping me to try and find my cat. So much going on, it was chaos! I checked and double checked and triple checked my apartment to see if Moo Moo was hiding anywhere but couldn’t find her. I finally got a hold of the police and they said someone would be coming out to get a report. My building manager and I checked my apartment again and even turned my couch upside down to see if she got scared and crawled in there. Somewhere in the middle of the chaos dying down a bit, I went to go fix my bed and found Moo Moo wrapped up in my bed cover to the point where even if I looked under the bed I wouldn’t be able to see her. One problem solved. Mind you I haven’t even had the chance to wash up and make myself look decent. At the same time, in all this chaos, trying to call my credit card companies to cancel all my accounts.

Sooo you’re probably asking how they got through the window… My window was open… Okay, I know, I’m a single woman living in LA, I shouldn’t be leaving my window open!

So the police came and took a police report. Two officers asking me different sets of questions, one was for the actual break in and the other was for the theft of my belongings. At that time, I was still in shock over the whole thing and my mind was all over the place. Trying to remember all the little details was quite difficult. Oh yeah, the person left blood on the curtain and on one of the picture frames that was on the TV stand. They only took my purse. They didn’t take my laptop which was in plain sight, they didn’t take anything else of value either. My living room light was on and so was the bedroom light. I slept through the whole thing. I just remember waking up to Mochi whimpering at the door. That finally clicked. When I checked the door in the middle of the night, I didn’t notice my purse was missing, but then again, I was half asleep.

The rest of the day was calling my credit card companies and banks continuing to cancel all my accounts. That took all day long. Nate came in the afternoon and I finally got to clean up and take a shower. There was a second detective that came to take finger prints. I finally get a little break from all of it and Nate and I went to go eat at about 4:45 pm. I haven’t eaten all day. At that time I realized that I just recently started a meal delivery service that delivered Sunday through Thursday and they were the last people I gave the gate code to. How else could the person get into the building? In the five and a half years that I’ve lived in that apartment, I’ve never had a problem leaving my window open and I have water delivery service every other week, UPS, FEDex, and other delivery services come to the building and nothing ever happen until them. My finger is on the meal delivery service guy. I canceled my subscription immediately and gave that information to the police.

The days after the incident were nothing short of complicated and frustrating… It took me three days to open a new bank account. I had to go to the DMV to get a new driver’s license. Luckily my mom had lent me money otherwise I would be dead in the water with no cash or credit cards. It didn’t really hit me that my apartment was broken into until a few days later and started feeling the effects of it all. It’s been almost two weeks and things are starting to fall back into place. I keep my windows closed now. I’m looking to install a security system and cameras into my apartment and The police have identified the person using my credit cards.

The one thing we keep saying is that it was a good thing I didn’t wake up. Things could have ended a lot worse. The person that came into my apartment that night didn’t harm me or my pets. Someone is definitely watching over me.

 

relationship status

So I’ve dated quite a few guys here and there and obviously none of them have worked out. Why? Because I ended things for a number of reasons, not going to list all of them, I probably wrote about a few of them already. Going through all these short term relationships, if that is what you call them, I realize that I don’t want a relationship. This should come as no surprise because I talk about it with my therapist enough times already. I realize that all that I’m looking for is someone to hang out with, someone to do things with, maybe a travel buddy. I don’t want the commitment of a relationship. I like my independence way too much. I know some people have said that that shouldn’t matter in a relationship, but in some instances, you kinda loose a bit of it in said relationship. I was watching “How to be Single” over the weekend and she said something that I think I have always thought about because I’ve been single for some time now…

goldfish jumping - improvement and career concept

“I’ve been thinking that the time we have to be single, is really the time we have to get good at being alone. But, how good at being alone do we really want to be? Isn’t there a danger that you’ll get so good at being single, so set in your ways, that you’ll miss out on the chance to be with somebody great?”

I’ve gotten really good at being single. I do things on my own so much that I forget to invite people along. I remember asking my mom why she was dating and she threw the question right back at me and it got me thinking… why am I dating? I know I said it that I was lonely and it goes back to just having someone to do things with, a companion. Dating just happened to get thrown in the mix just cause my doctor insisted that I get a move on with my love life. Well now, I’ve decided, I just can’t seem to find the right guy and I’m way too picky, but who isn’t? I give up. I’m done dating. I’m done looking for love. If love is out there for me, if it’s in the cards for me, then it will come find me. At that point, all my conditions, reservations, pickiness, and whatever other things that hold me back from any relationship should go away, right? So universe, the ball is in your court.

grand_universe_by_antifan_real1

i beat you to it

I meet a guy. We go out on a few dates, talk/text and obviously like each other. Then things get start to get rocky on my end, personal stuff, I have another episode. I end up leaving the guy in the dark because I don’t want to talk about it. In a day or two I say goodbye to the person and send them on their way because I want to be fair to them. I don’t want to leave them hanging and feel helpless because I won’t let them into my mess. And we’re back to shutting people out. Damn, I’m getting really good at this!

First of all, I want to be fair to them. I don’t know how long my episode(s) will last and each time it’s different. They will just be left in the dark because I don’t want to talk about it, especially because I barely know them. They will end up feeling helpless because they want to help but don’t know how. Not their fault. At the same time, I’m dealing with this episode and it’s consuming me and the last thing I want to have to worry about is entertaining this guy every now and then so he knows that I’m alive. The last thing you want to worry about when you’re depressed is another person. I don’t mean to be cold, but it’s true.

Second, I don’t want to have to explain myself for anything that happens. Why this or why that? Things that are out of my control. I don’t want to have to explain for you to understand. I don’t want to have to repeat what I’ve told others already… It’s exhausting just hearing about it and I don’t want to bore you or make you worry. I barely know you.

Third, I think that I am too much to handle. I come with a lot of baggage. I’m a huge complicated mess. I’m a lot to deal with. A person can say that they can handle it right now, but what about later down the road? Years later? How will you feel then? I don’t want to be a burden to anyone and I certainly don’t want them to resent me for what I end up putting them through because of my situation. So I beat them to the punch, I leave before any harm can be done. I leave before I could cause them any pain. I leave before they could cause me any pain.

It will be hard for any guy to come into my life because of this. You would have to be really really special to get past my walls. For me to talk to you about what I go through in my darkest moments will be your ticket in. Good Luck! and good luck to me if I ever find that guy that I will actually let into my life.

I’m just a little “Unwell”

I was driving home today and heard the song “Unwell” by Rob Thomas. It got me thinking about how much it reflects on how I feel sometimes. I have this thing, Schizoaffective Disorder, that I’ve kinda talked about on here but have a hard time talking about in person. This song kinda helps give me a voice in this saying that I have this thing… “but I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell…” People tell me, “you don’t seem like it.” Well, “I know right now you can’t tell, but stay a while and maybe then you’ll see a different side of me. I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired… but soon enough you’re gonna think of me and how I used to be, me.” I know it’s hard for people to listen to what I have to say sometimes because I know how scary it is. To hear the things that I have to say, from someone you love, something so heartbreaking that you wouldn’t believe that I would say those things. I’m still me, I just have this other side to me. I know it’s a little scary, but if you stay a while and maybe you’ll see that it’s not as bad as it may seem. And maybe if I let you stay a while, then maybe I’ll see a different side of you and you may not be as bad as I think it may seem.

In the word of Rob Thomas’ song “Unwell”

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me

I shut people out and don’t let anyone in

A lot has happened in the past week and I can’t say that it was all good. My past caught up with me again and in the same time I didn’t realize that I put up more walls to add to the ones that I already had to begin with. I’ve been through a whole heck of a lot of heartache and trust issues and still going through many of life’s roller coasters. With that being said, I naturally built walls, apparently too many to count. I’ve become over protective of myself that I have, not knowingly, shut people out. I think about it and I really only trust maybe one person to know what goes on with my life and I still don’t tell them everything. Now that I think about it, I’ve shut out the people closest to me, my friends and family. I refused to let my own family know what was going on in my life and I’ve kept it that way for a very long time. Even now I still find it hard to open up to them. I remember a conversation I had with my mom and she told me that she knows I have a hard time trusting people. When she said that to me, it kinda struck a chord in a sense that it is true and maybe I didn’t want to hear it. I lived my life in a way where I wouldn’t get hurt. I do everything on my own. I had to prove to myself and everyone that I was fine on my own, that I didn’t need anyone. If anything went wrong, it was because of me and no one else would be at fault. Simple as that. Easier to accept. I shut people out and I didn’t let anyone in. And then I begin to wonder why I feel so lonely sometimes.

I had a chance at something great and because I wouldn’t let anyone in, I shut this person out and lost a good thing before it could even happen.

just be there

So with all this crazy talk of negativity, it’s time for a change of pace, shall we?

I’m a naturally quiet person. I’m an introvert with social anxiety. If I don’t know you, I won’t be the first to speak when we meet. There are those people who love to talk and can talk and talk and talk and talk to no end at all. Every now and then I come across someone who can’t just sit still if nothing is being said. Being a quiet person, I don’t have much to say as is, and I don’t talk about my life so openly. So I get comments like “why are you so quiet?” or “What’s wrong? You’re not talking.” There isn’t anything wrong, I just don’t have anything to say. That’s all.

But then there are moments in life when all you need is for someone to just be there. Nothing needs to be said or done. Just simply that their presence alone makes things better. Just sitting there quietly is a conversation in itself. A mutual understanding. You could cry all you want and they will be there to wipe your tears away and just hold you tight but still not say a word and the world seems perfect again.

night-hugs-sleep-759x500

There are only some people who understand this and could actually do it, so from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

I found that person who I could tell everything to again. Someone who I want to know every thing that happens at every moment that it happens, that I can’t wait to tell that person whether it be good or bad because I know either way that person will find a way to turn it around and make me laugh. Knowing that I will not be judged by anything that I say and I can truly be open with this person on sooo many levels that I become talkative. Wait, but that is unheard of! But it can happen… There are just those people who bring out the best in you.