being sick all the time

I’ve had this health condition that I’ve been living with for 20+ years now, costochondritis, or so I thought. Technically it should have gone away a long time ago but it hasn’t. It feels like someone stabbing you with a knife through the chest and twisting it over and over again. Normally it would pop up out of nowhere for like a day or two and it would go away. I normally just dealt with it and didn’t really worry about it much since it would go away eventually. For some reason, almost the entire month of February, it has been acting up, like really bad, like every day to the point that I have to go home from work or just stay home. When it started at the beginning of February, it was constant pain for an entire week! An entire week of sharp stabbing pains to the chest! So I finally made an appointment with my PCP. She already knows I have that condition but basically is starting from scratch just to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. Blood work, EKG, chest x-ray and what ever else she comes up with. So far all those tests have come out normal. I don’t know what she is going to do next…

We are now in March and the chest pains haven’t gone away. I did my time sheet at work today for the last two weeks and I only worked 27 hours in two weeks!!! Well I had a couple vacation days and there was a holiday in there too. But 27 hours out of 60 hours in a pay period! That is horrible! I am still in pain but ignoring it for the time being because I have to be at work for the next three days, and actually I shouldn’t even be writing this right now but I’m waiting on an email before I can continue my work.

I see my doctor again for a follow up on the 10th but until then I’m a sitting duck. I have pain meds but I don’t think they are doing anything. I really don’t know what else it could be. Andrew thinks maybe I should go to a chiropractor but I’m afraid of the chiropractor. I feel a little uneasy about someone adjusting my body in any way. When I was little, my mom would take us to this one person (not a professional) who would, I guess, crack/adjust our entire upper bodies and it really didn’t feel right. I was about 4 or 5 years old then. Hence being afraid of the chiropractor.

On top of that, my sinuses are acting up, blame it on the rain! Remember the song “Blame it on the Rain, yeah, yeah…” I forgot the artist. But anyway, I don’t think I have a cold, it’s just that it’s been so cold and all this rain isn’t helping either.

At the same time, I feel like I’m falling into depression again. Maybe not and I just miss Andrew since we haven’t seen each other in a week (he’s dog sitting). Either that or I’m just tired of being sick and I hate that Andrew always worries about me. There really isn’t much I can do right now. Trying to figure out what is wrong with me will take time because they really don’t know what’s wrong with me. It was easier when it was just me. No one has to worry about me and I don’t have to worry about someone worrying about me, no one has to know. I know it’s because he cares but I feel like it’s putting more pressure on me when I really don’t know what to do. I feel like he’s getting frustrated with me being sick and he can’t do anything about it and I’m frustrated that I end up putting him that position. All of this is pushing me down the rabbit hole and I don’t want anything else to pile on to the mess.


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