I like me again

And I’m back in the game! At least I think so… The last month was a big jumbled mess and I am a bit of a worry wart. But when it comes to life and death dealing with emotions, it can’t be helped, or can it? I don’t know. Anyway, things are beginning to look up. I’m getting my energy back, at least it feels like it. I’m starting to make plans for the near future again. Let’s see if I can stick to my six week cardio training starting next Monday. So I’m planning to run 4 days a week. And to add to that, throw hiking every Saturday into the mix,¬†starting this weekend. Hopefully that will get me into shape by the time I go to Hawaii in July. Yay vacation! Long awaited, much needed vacation with family! Now that I’ve said all that, will I actually do it? HAHA That’s how it usually goes for me… I have these plans and if I keep them to myself, I end up doing them. If I tell someone, I end up not doing them. So I’m going to try to break my habit of not doing them after I tell someone. Here goes nothing.

So I guess the meds are working. This is what happens when they are working. Life becomes appealing again. I’ve been dead for quite sometime now¬† and I’m being brought back to life. I actually have a pulse. HA! I’m being myself again. My clumsiness is coming back. Yesterday I crashed into the corner of a desk and now I have a big bruise on my thigh. Let’s see how many bruises I come out with by the end of the week… HAHAHA See this is my usual self, laughing at me every chance I get, it’s kinda funny you know HAHAHA okay, I gotta stop or I’ll burst out laughing at my desk at work. I know, I know, I’m supposed to be working, but I had to get this out or the moment will be gone. I’m kinda on this natural high floating away on my own cloud 9 and it feels like nothing could bring me down and I like me again.

happy-place

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back into the swing of things

So I am training for the Disney half marathon in September, or so I was. I started back in May and I had this gigantic, nothing could stop me type of attitude and motivation for something that I have never thought of ever doing in my life. When I had first mentioned this so called half marathon to some of my family members, they were somewhat afraid for me. Maybe because I am a sickly person and I have a slight case of asthma and I haven’t worked out in a very long time. Physical and mental battle or not, this half marathon wasn’t going to scare me one bit. I downloaded a training schedule that Disney had graciously provided for beginners and it pretty much lays it out for you; when to run, how long to run, and so on, all the way to how your form should be while you are running. This was great since I’ve never ran a marathon before, let alone know where to begin when it comes to training. Oh and I bought a fitbit to go along with tracking my progress through all of this and invested in proper running shoes.shoes

So fast forward back to May 2nd, the first day of my official training. Ready to run the first 2 miles of this half marathon journey? No, not really, but I’m going to go for it. Off I went, and boy did I realize how out of shape I was. I didn’t even get to the end of the block before I started huffing and puffing and had to start walking. After my first mile, all I could think about was can the second mile just come to me and I can be done with it? The first couple of weeks were a challenge to get through. After that it got easier and it became a part of my normal routine. Tuesday, Thursday evenings or every other day, whatever worked out. It was perfect, after getting home from work it was straight to the park with Mochi for an hour or so, then back home and off I went to run my easy pease two miles. I actually looked forward to the days I ran. On the weekends, the training schedule started with two miles and added a mile every week. I started feeling more energized, sleeping better and just an overall extra burst of good moods. Then SMACK dab right in the middle of training I get hit with a bad case of bronchitis. I didn’t have the body aches or fever, but I had the sniffling and coughing and the worst part, it was affecting my breathing. I still had the energy and still felt like running, but I had to stop myself and let my body rest. Gosh darn it. This thing had me out for two weeks.

So I’m all better now and I have to get back to training. OH MY GOSH is it so hard to get my motivation back. I’ve been sitting on my butt for two weeks and my body just got used to not doing anything. I’m on my first day back to running and my legs have become permanent weights that don’t want to move and my feet are just blocks of cement. Still I push through and I feel like I’ve started back to the first day of training. As if I haven’t even trained one day for this marathon. Oye vey. I feel it all over, my energy is down, my sleep is not the same, I’m tired during the days. Am I being too hard on myself? Well of course! the marathon is two months away! TWO MONTHS! That’s not a very long time and the long runs on Saturdays are getting longer and there is no way in hell am I even close to being ready for it. Okay there I said it. The first glimpse of me actually being scared of this half marathon. I mean I don’t want to do this marathon and be one of the last ones to finish. I mean my goal is to finish, this is, after all, my first half marathon, heck, my first running event ever; I just don’t want to be at the tail end of the marathon.

I have to find my motivation again. I didn’t run tonight just because I spent a little more time at the park with Mochi. Tomorrow is a two mile run day and Saturday is supposed to be 9.5 miles. I gotta find that motivation sooner or later.