back into the swing of things

So I am training for the Disney half marathon in September, or so I was. I started back in May and I had this gigantic, nothing could stop me type of attitude and motivation for something that I have never thought of ever doing in my life. When I had first mentioned this so called half marathon to some of my family members, they were somewhat afraid for me. Maybe because I am a sickly person and I have a slight case of asthma and I haven’t worked out in a very long time. Physical and mental battle or not, this half marathon wasn’t going to scare me one bit. I downloaded a training schedule that Disney had graciously provided for beginners and it pretty much lays it out for you; when to run, how long to run, and so on, all the way to how your form should be while you are running. This was great since I’ve never ran a marathon before, let alone know where to begin when it comes to training. Oh and I bought a fitbit to go along with tracking my progress through all of this and invested in proper running shoes.shoes

So fast forward back to May 2nd, the first day of my official training. Ready to run the first 2 miles of this half marathon journey? No, not really, but I’m going to go for it. Off I went, and boy did I realize how out of shape I was. I didn’t even get to the end of the block before I started huffing and puffing and had to start walking. After my first mile, all I could think about was can the second mile just come to me and I can be done with it? The first couple of weeks were a challenge to get through. After that it got easier and it became a part of my normal routine. Tuesday, Thursday evenings or every other day, whatever worked out. It was perfect, after getting home from work it was straight to the park with Mochi for an hour or so, then back home and off I went to run my easy pease two miles. I actually looked forward to the days I ran. On the weekends, the training schedule started with two miles and added a mile every week. I started feeling more energized, sleeping better and just an overall extra burst of good moods. Then SMACK dab right in the middle of training I get hit with a bad case of bronchitis. I didn’t have the body aches or fever, but I had the sniffling and coughing and the worst part, it was affecting my breathing. I still had the energy and still felt like running, but I had to stop myself and let my body rest. Gosh darn it. This thing had me out for two weeks.

So I’m all better now and I have to get back to training. OH MY GOSH is it so hard to get my motivation back. I’ve been sitting on my butt for two weeks and my body just got used to not doing anything. I’m on my first day back to running and my legs have become permanent weights that don’t want to move and my feet are just blocks of cement. Still I push through and I feel like I’ve started back to the first day of training. As if I haven’t even trained one day for this marathon. Oye vey. I feel it all over, my energy is down, my sleep is not the same, I’m tired during the days. Am I being too hard on myself? Well of course! the marathon is two months away! TWO MONTHS! That’s not a very long time and the long runs on Saturdays are getting longer and there is no way in hell am I even close to being ready for it. Okay there I said it. The first glimpse of me actually being scared of this half marathon. I mean I don’t want to do this marathon and be one of the last ones to finish. I mean my goal is to finish, this is, after all, my first half marathon, heck, my first running event ever; I just don’t want to be at the tail end of the marathon.

I have to find my motivation again. I didn’t run tonight just because I spent a little more time at the park with Mochi. Tomorrow is a two mile run day and Saturday is supposed to be 9.5 miles. I gotta find that motivation sooner or later.

 

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what is the prognosis or diagnosis?

trips to the er are never fun… they can never fully tell you what the problem or what the cause is unless it’s an obvious one. for one with a preexisting condition that has no cause that just happens to pop up out of nowhere… then they just give you massive pain killers and tell you to see your pcp and send you on your way…

then there is the part where you go to the doctor and they can’t tell you exactly what you have either and send to to specialist after specialist and take about 6 months for them to even figure out what the heck is wrong with you. and so that cycle probably begins tomorrow again… test after test after test…

different sickness – i had this run in last week already… i was sent to see a specialist… i give the dude credit cuz he was actually nice and listened to me… but at the end of it all… the question that he asked me or more like said to me “it’s amazing that you have survived after this long and without treatment” and then he says “you’re prognosis is that you have a curable condition” and refers me to another specialist…

see what i mean, it’s a constant cycle of this person can help you, oh i can’t do anything for you but i know who can… i hate doctors! and what is it with people thinking that i do something to myself to get sick or hurt? i don’t! or thinking that I don’t take care of myself? I do! i hate being o medication! or maybe it’s that i want sympathy or attention? really?!? really?!? really?!? i should just keep my mouth shut and never say anything!

life’s a… and chances are…

I haven’t13119754_10209795170661698_3909736566166185526_o been myself at all these days. Not saying that the robot with fried wires is me but in a way that is what I feel like. Dealing with a lot of things that are foreign to me. Still trying to figure out life but who isn’t? We live our lives thinking that we can solve/deal with everything that life will throw at us… good and bad. But when we get to our wits end, pushed to the corner, run out of options to the point where things that you want to hide can’t help but spill out of you  to people that you thought you would never tell because you are afraid of what they might say before you even give them the chance to hear you out. Turns out it’s nothing but care and concern that comes from them. Still with all the chaos that I am going through, I still feel like I am truly blessed and that God still has not left my side and seems like he never will. Right now, hanging on to my faith and trusting God keeps me here.

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On the lighter side of life… I’m set to go on vacation tomorrow night. Managed to pack a 10 day trip into a tiny carry on suitcase… and an army of medication to get through the trip to Peru! woohoo! It looks bad but I’m a preventative maintenance type of person considering I’ve been a sickly kid all my life. So… Altitude pills for the Machu Picchu portion of the trip. Antibiotics just incase I catch something. Another for tummy issues, OTC meds and a mini first aid kit, of course my inhaler. But never ever forget the playdoh for my inner child.

I will try to post while I am gone if I can. If not, see you in 10 days!

 

 

meds… helpful or harmful? that is the question

A couple of years ago, I had a concussion and had to be put on meds to help get me back to normal and control migraines. One was to reset the neurotransmitters in my brain or something like that and the other was to help control the migraines from becoming so severe. That was on top of other medications I was on for other things that I will not go into detail with. Yes, many people have their opinions about not taking meds and you should let your body take care of itself naturally or something along those lines. But… what if you really needed it? I mean, I’ve been a sickly kid my entire life. Not that it rules my life or anything but sometimes, in my case, the meds were needed. And it’s not like I wanted to be on them… I hate taking meds, I have trouble swallowing the smallest pills!

Anyway back to the original topic… so last year, I was told to stop taking the heavy meds and only use the back up for the headaches. Almost the same time, I stopped all other meds I was on. It’s been about a year now and I’ve noticed a change in me… as in I can’t process emotions, situations, and whatnot like I used to. Almost as if my brain and body hit a RESET ALL button. (I was only on the concussion meds for a year). So now I think I actually have to go see my neurologist again and figure things out… In the mean time, hopefully I can GET A GRIP and stay calm and try not to hit my head again.

Side Note – that concussion has affected my memory… I usually had a pretty good memory… these days people are telling me stuff that I normally would have remembered but don’t.

rewind and fast forward

So I haven’t been able to write as much as I wanted to… but that’s what happens when you have a crazy schedule and a crazy big family… it’s ok I love em and it makes life fun

Rewind

One, Two, Punch of a weekend – two weeks ago – first it was my grandma’s 84th birthday party. Had fun making pom poms from scratch… luckily my cats and dog didn’t tear them apart. We have 4 generations going right now and she is the rock of the family. The following day was my god daughter’s 3rd birthday party! Birthday party at the park. Perfect day, no rain, another day of eating such good food! An11951493_10209283178582216_2110444296085262773_od to top it all off, the third day was my god daughter’s actual birthday so we went to DISNEYLAND!!! It was crowded for a Monday but there were several events going on. There were radio stations from all over the place broadcasting live. But regardless, we had fun! And And And, do you remember the “Electrical Parade” waaaay back when? and they took it out… but but but… now they have what’s called “Paint the Night”Parade. They brought it baaaaacccckkk!!! THE ELECTRICAL PARADE IS BAAAACCCKKKK!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! yes I have turned into a little girl (squeal)… but but but the memories!!!

I took soooo many pictures in one weekend I ended up getting a good workout on my arms. 😛

Fast Forward

So went back to work on Tuesday… and I ended up getting food poisoning Wednesday night. Okay. So I’ve gotten food poisoning before but I’ve never had it this bad… Severe stomach pains, I couldn’t even stand up straight. Violent vomiting… Fever and chills and everything else associated with food poisoning. Was still really sick for the next couple of days… coworkers said I looked pale, couldn’t function at all… Had to go home both days (Thursday and Friday). Mochi was a trooper and was kind enough to keep me warm and slept next to me. I Finally started feeling better (or so I thought) on Saturday so I decided to be girly and get my nails done and minor shopping… a nice treat after being sick for 5 days. Sunday comes around and I’m doing my normal sound tech stuff at church and one time I ran into, or at least tried to get into the sound booth in a hurry, I tripped and tweaked my ankle… HAHA nice way to top off this sickly week right?!?! That’s a clumsy girl for ya!

And now back to 100% normal I think considering I had a poke bowl for dinner.