vacation battle scars!

So I just got back from my Hawaii vacation almost a week ago. I got away with one injury. I don’t know if you would call it major or minor, or if it would actually be called an injury. Anyway, how it happened… It was the last day of our vacation. My mom and I went on a kayak and snorkeling tour. We were out in the middle of the ocean, miles and miles away from the shore and at least 20 feet deep to the ocean floor, I think. Sorry I don’t have pictures of any cool fishies. I came up for air to fix my snorkel gear and was just swimming around and all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain on my right rib, twice. I screamed out loud because it hurt that bad. I don’t exactly know what I did, maybe twisted the wrong way? Then I went back to swimming as if nothing happened. We finished our tour and I dropped my mom off back at our condo.

Then I went on a two and a half hour drive to the southern most tip of the island called South Point. I was about to go cliff jumping into the ocean but, there was no way back up so I didn’t. To be honest, I was a bit scared to jump off a 40′ cliff, not to mention the strong current waiting for me at the bottom along with jagged rocks, but the views were incredible.

After that I went and hiked a what seemed to be a never ending two and a half miles of dirt road to the famous green sand beach. That was not an easy hike! I went through two water bottles! There was the option of their shuttles going to and from the beach but I decided to tough it out. It was definitely worth it, minus the feeling of, am I lost? a couple of times. HAHA Went down to the beach, played in the sand for about twenty minutes then hiked back up to the top. I decided to take the shuttle back to the beginning since I drank all the water that I had taken with me and I didn’t want to get lost going back. And it was only $10. I gotta tell ya, that ride back was like being on a roller coaster with no restraints! I was on an ATV with no seat belt. Felt every bump, dip, rock, and whatever came in front of this vehicle while only holding on to one bar and trying to keep my balance and not crash into the other passengers on the back of this pickup truck. That went on for a good twenty to thirty minutes. We eventually made it back to the beginning of the trail, talk about a rough ride! Then I drove home.

So between the kayak and snorkeling, swimming in the ocean and then hiking two and a half miles and the makeshift ATV with no restraints, I somehow ended up with bruised ribs, if that’s what you call it. The next morning I was in sooo much pain. It hurt to move whichever way no matter what I did. I don’t know how, I just know that the right side of my ribs hurt like hell and were sore to the touch. It got worse the more I moved. Of course the next day we were headed home. The days that followed seemed like the pain got worse. On Wednesday, it felt like I was getting better. I could move around more freely. There was still some pain but it was tolerable. So of course I didn’t mind it and forgot that there was any pain and of course I would over exert myself with lifting heavy things not thinking about the consequences. Today, it hurts again. I can still move but not as much as yesterday. People tell me to take it easy and I’m like, what is that? I’m getting better, it’ll be fine. Of course I’ll pay for it later. HAHA I never learn.

So I guess in the end, I had a great trip. Nothing like a battle scar to tell you that you had a great vacation and enjoyed every minute of it! Let’s do that again! Maybe without the injury this time? But wait, that’s the indication of a great trip! HAHA just kidding. Or not! You pick.

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meds, moods and life

So my meds are working, so it seems. I’ve gone a little over two months without a depressive episode. I have to wait a few more months to make sure they are really working, but for right now, they are. I have yet to pass the 6 month mark on changing my meds, then I know they REALLY are working. I do feel the difference. I’ve mentioned it several times before.

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With my meds working and me getting better, I notice something else… my mind isn’t as active, there are no thoughts that are constantly running through my mind, my imagination isn’t running a muck and my creativity is just dead. I find it harder to write, to put thoughts into words and I get writer’s block all the time! It seems like when I’m down in the dumps, everything just comes pouring out of me and there is no way to stop it and when I’m better, not even a drop of imagination comes out. I’m not saying that I want to be down in the dumps so I could write and do other stuff, it’s just an observation that I’ve noticed with all of this stuff going on with me. At the same time, I wait for life events to happen to spark any emotion out of me. I guess it has to do with the meds leveling out my moods. Not that I blame them, they are helping me handle my depression and other stuff. Maybe the real me is finally coming out after all these years, buried under this facade that I’ve created to hide from the world or maybe it really is the meds. I know that without the meds, I am this quirky, clumsy, somewhat nerdy, adventurous, sometimes careless girl that skips around life making it as simple as possible but attempting to make it fun at the same time. And right now I’m just on an even playing field with no mountains to climb or planes to jump out of and nothing to write about, really.

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But that is the challenge, right? To pull something out of nothing. To be creative without your fuel source to bring things to light. That’s when real creativity comes in. When you are your true self and you can create something wonderful. I would like to be able to write and be creative without being down in the dumps or some sort of life event happening. I don’t want to rely on my emotions to get my gears working. Is it the same thing as finding inspiration in anything that comes your way? Whatever it is, I want to be able to keep going no matter what mood I’m in. At the same time, I have to find that me again. The one that likes to go out on adventures and explore life to its full extent and not let anything stop me, including my meds. First it was a battle with my emotions and getting a handle on them, now it’s a battle with what moods my meds get me into. Will I ever be happy? (Rhetorical question).

Hawaii is a less than a week away and I am excited! I’ll probly have lots to write about considering all the adventures we’re going to have from riding ATV’s, zip lining, snorkeling and jumping off a 40′ cliff into the ocean. But then what happens after that? Life goes back to normal. Back to the same daily routine day after day until the next adventure I guess? That’s the thing, how can we make everyday life more interesting? I know there are so many things that I could do but, and I’m not making this an excuse but she is one of my priorities, I gotta take Mochi to the park everyday and let her mingle with her doggie friends. I want to do that for her. So with that being said, that makes my schedule a little more difficult to navigate. I can’t do anything til after 7pm. I’m not trying to put a downer on life, like everyone else, I just have to find a healthy balance. I’m sure there are plenty of things that I could do after 7pm, I just have to find them.

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Well I’m off to Hawaii on Friday… maybe I’ll write while I’m there, maybe I won’t. So if anything, I’ll write when I get back. Aloha!

 

life’s a… and chances are…

I haven’t13119754_10209795170661698_3909736566166185526_o been myself at all these days. Not saying that the robot with fried wires is me but in a way that is what I feel like. Dealing with a lot of things that are foreign to me. Still trying to figure out life but who isn’t? We live our lives thinking that we can solve/deal with everything that life will throw at us… good and bad. But when we get to our wits end, pushed to the corner, run out of options to the point where things that you want to hide can’t help but spill out of you  to people that you thought you would never tell because you are afraid of what they might say before you even give them the chance to hear you out. Turns out it’s nothing but care and concern that comes from them. Still with all the chaos that I am going through, I still feel like I am truly blessed and that God still has not left my side and seems like he never will. Right now, hanging on to my faith and trusting God keeps me here.

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On the lighter side of life… I’m set to go on vacation tomorrow night. Managed to pack a 10 day trip into a tiny carry on suitcase… and an army of medication to get through the trip to Peru! woohoo! It looks bad but I’m a preventative maintenance type of person considering I’ve been a sickly kid all my life. So… Altitude pills for the Machu Picchu portion of the trip. Antibiotics just incase I catch something. Another for tummy issues, OTC meds and a mini first aid kit, of course my inhaler. But never ever forget the playdoh for my inner child.

I will try to post while I am gone if I can. If not, see you in 10 days!