I forgot my morning meds at home so I had to leave work to go get them. I don’t know if it is the thought of missing the dose or not taking them on time that throws me off, but it definitely did its damage. I felt like I was crying all day yesterday and I feel that way today too. The only good thing that comes out of it is that I perform better. I work better when I’m not 100% in general. I guess it might be because I don’t want to think about how bad I’m feeling? I know I’ve missed a dose before and that had a really bad effect that lasted a couple of weeks? And that was just missing one dose. I’m usually pretty good about taking my meds on time, it just so happened that I forgot to put my pill box in my lunch bag yesterday morning. I bought an emergency pill box that holds three days worth of meds to keep in my purse at all times, just in case this happens again, then I don’t have to worry. I’m still feeling the effects of yesterday, even with trying to focus my energy into other things like my new hobby of learning calligraphy or stressing out about something else like Minion being at the vet to be checked out by the cardiologist. But I think stress adds to the stress, so not such a good thing to focus on. Sigh.
I wonder if I should keep reading the NAMI forums. Sometimes I can relate, other times I feel bad, sometimes I feel like, with my short time being diagnosed, I can’t offer any good advise. I read about people and living with family members that are there to support them and it always reminds me how alone I am. I mean I tell Jacky, Nate and Krispy Kreme about what I go through but there is no one there to notice if I am a bit off or if I am having any sort of symptoms. No one to watch me and say, hey, are you okay? I have to be the one to tell someone that something is wrong with me. Not that I want attention or anything and not that I want someone to constantly check on me. That can get annoying. It’s more of the, “what if shit hits the fan?” What happens then? No one will know until it’s too late. Especially now when I’ve been noticing things and I don’t know if it’s the meds are not working or, I don’t know? Even if people ask me how I am doing, I am reluctant to say anything and just go with the normal response of “I’m okay,” and at the same time I don’t want to be a burden to anyone. It’s not easy talking about this stuff. It’s one thing to tell someone you have a mental illness, it’s another thing to tell someone what is actually going on. It’s hard to explain what is going on because there are so many things going on at the same time. I haven’t actually told someone what is going on while it is happening. I guess I’ll have to figure that out when I get there.