don’t think you know me

I’ve only told a hand full of people who really know what’s going on with me and I’d like to keep it that way. I recently reconnected with someone, one of the ones that I have told more about me than I would have liked to. I didn’t get into much detail, just the basics of what it was. We had dinner and hung out one night. We talked over the weekend, then maybe silence for a day or two, okay, maybe three. All of a sudden I get a message saying “I feel like you dumped me. I feel like you, like how you feel when those guys on the dating sites just stop talking to you.” Okay. Really! It was maybe one or two days that I didn’t talk to you! I had other things going on! The world doesn’t revolve around you. And really, when you reconnect with someone, you don’t hang out as often as you used too. So, I apologized. And then they said it again but in a different way, “You treated me like those guys treated you on the those dating sites.” Again, I apologized profusely! Why am I the one having to apologize?!? I didn’t do anything wrong!!! So I told them, and this is true, like I have to justify anything to anyone, I had a depressive episode and I’m sorry that you got caught in the line of fire. It just happened to be at the same time that I shut down and hid from the world. They go to say that “I don’t have to hide from them and that they know my world because I’ve shared it with them before, they know me and they are trying to bring it out of me.” OKAY!!! FIRST OF ALL, YOU DON’T KNOW ME! You only know what I told you, which isn’t everything! SECOND, DON’T TRY TO FIX ME!!! Don’t try to bring things out of me, I have my own way of dealing with things. If the people closest to me don’t even know everything that is going on with me, including my best friend that I talk to everyday, and I still hide from him, still don’t tell him everything, what makes you think I would tell you everything and fix everything just for you?!? THIRD Don’t try to use what you know about me against me! If you claim to say that you understand what I am dealing with, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation! I wouldn’t have to explain myself to you! I’m dealing with a lot of SHIT right now and I don’t need you to make it worse. If you push me I will drop you like those guys do to me on the dating sites! I am a nice person, but don’t push my buttons!

You can spend all of your time with someone and still not know everything about them. Everyone has secrets.

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