The things we don’t talk about

My parents divorce is a sore subject for me. The things that happened during and after and even to this day. They are cordial now but there are still some things that are not quite resolved.

After all this time I didn’t think anyone had any idea of what I went through during my parents divorce. Today, I was talking to my brother about how our mom and dad annoy us soooo much, my sister included, now and since we can remember and I think it stemmed from their divorce. He mentioned that he was sorry that he wasn’t there when they were going through their divorce. He even said that I should’ve gotten out somehow so I didn’t have to endure all the things that I did. I agree with him but I guess at that time, I wanted to but I couldn’t because I didn’t know how or where to even go and I wouldn’t because I felt like I was the last hope to keep our family together, one way or another. My sister was in college and my brother was in the Air Force. I was the only one left behind to pick up the pieces.

I can’t express what it is that I felt when my brother said that to me, good things though, I just haven’t found the right words. Relieved. A little bit of weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Loved. Understood. This is the first time I ever talked about my parents divorce with either of my siblings, even if just a little bit. I guess all this time, I thought I was alone in dealing with what I went through during that time. I didn’t know people were actually paying attention. We just don’t talk about it. In my mind I think that I went through the worst of it since I saw everything unfold, I just don’t know how my brother and sister feel about any of it since we have never really discussed it amongst ourselves to this day. Maybe in passing and a little slip of a feeling here or there but that’s it. I don’t know if we will ever talk about it. Ever.

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