I shut people out and don’t let anyone in

A lot has happened in the past week and I can’t say that it was all good. My past caught up with me again and in the same time I didn’t realize that I put up more walls to add to the ones that I already had to begin with. I’ve been through a whole heck of a lot of heartache and trust issues and still going through many of life’s roller coasters. With that being said, I naturally built walls, apparently too many to count. I’ve become over protective of myself that I have, not knowingly, shut people out. I think about it and I really only trust maybe one person to know what goes on with my life and I still don’t tell them everything. Now that I think about it, I’ve shut out the people closest to me, my friends and family. I refused to let my own family know what was going on in my life and I’ve kept it that way for a very long time. Even now I still find it hard to open up to them. I remember a conversation I had with my mom and she told me that she knows I have a hard time trusting people. When she said that to me, it kinda struck a chord in a sense that it is true and maybe I didn’t want to hear it. I lived my life in a way where I wouldn’t get hurt. I do everything on my own. I had to prove to myself and everyone that I was fine on my own, that I didn’t need anyone. If anything went wrong, it was because of me and no one else would be at fault. Simple as that. Easier to accept. I shut people out and I didn’t let anyone in. And then I begin to wonder why I feel so lonely sometimes.

I had a chance at something great and because I wouldn’t let anyone in, I shut this person out and lost a good thing before it could even happen.

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