If you’ve been reading my past blogs, I’ve been through some rough times and have been dealing with depression and other things that life has thrown at me, but who isn’t. I’ve gotten help and am currently undergoing treatment and it seems that the concoction of medication they have me under is keeping me normal. For 5 months now, none of my meds have failed on me, phew, that’s a relief. I don’t like going through set backs and becoming a guinea pig with trying to find a new medication that will work. It doesn’t seem like a long time, I mean come on, 5 months? But it feels like a lifetime for me. Before, 1 day of being normal, normal as in not being down in the dumps crying all the time lethargic feeling like a dead weight, was a big deal. Now I’ve been normal for 5 months. Yes, I’m going to rant about it because normal means my clumsy, quirky, weird self is back and I’m back to making fun of myself for all my “duh” moments.
A couple of months ago, I found out that the guy that I was in love with started dating someone else. A knife to the heart. Not that he wasn’t allowed to, we weren’t even talking at the time so why should I care? Because I was still in love with him, DUH! <– Duh moment…. Even though we weren’t even talking, let alone have any sort of relationship at the time, it still felt like I was breaking up with him all over again. Side note… he was my ex-boyfriend. He was a good guy, he didn’t do anything wrong, it just wasn’t our time and our lives were going in different directions. You can’t force an issue. Anyway, so my heart felt like it was ripped open once again and I’m moping around being jealous because now someone else has all his attention and it’s not me.
It didn’t take me long, a few days, of being sad and mopey about the whole situation, but in the midst of talking it over with my sister and the reality of it all, I had an epiphany, a “light bulb” moment (from Despicable Me). I realized why I still loved him and why we weren’t together and why it all just made sense and the puzzle pieces magically just fit together. At that moment, instead of being mopey and sad and jealous about the situation, I decided to turn this negative to a positive. I’ve been hung up on this guy for so long that I didn’t realize I was putting my own life on hold. I needed him to move on so that I could move on. I know that sounds pathetic, but maybe, just maybe, I was still hanging on to the hopes of us getting back together? Even if a potential good guy came along, I wouldn’t have known. Love is blind!
Time heals all wounds. I could say that now, I don’t think about it or him and him dating doesn’t bother me anymore, I don’t miss him anymore. That’s a good thing. I’m finally moving on with my life. I’M FINALLY MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE! Yes I have to repeat that because it has been on hold for a very long time. (When you are that much in love with someone, if you’re not careful, there is a tendency that you might loose yourself in the process.) My life doesn’t revolve around his anymore. I’ve finally thought about what is it that I like to do? Not what he likes to do. What do I like to eat? and I’ve realized I’m actually a picky eater. I’m doing what I always like to do when I want to do them because I want to do them. It’s like I’ve graduated. I’ve grown up. I’ve become an adult and I’m laughing at myself as I write this because it just FEELS SO GOSH DARN GOOD and why did it take me so long to get here? That’s life’s lesson for you.