I’ve been here many times before but I’ve lost count. Each time is different, each time is worse, each time there is something new, and each time there is a skipped step. Falling faster, failing harder. As if I didn’t learn from the previous times. The demolished walls have almost turned to dust and trying to rebuild seems impossible. A new theme emerges out of something that I would never have imagined. Cling on to what you can, it’s just the beginning. How long? How far? this time around? Realizing that you are back, accepting that you are there, and to have to admit defeat yet again. Pains get worse. Heart aches. Reality. What is reality? It’s easier to stay down than to try and get back up. Trying to get to the beginning of the end. If we get there, can we rebuild again? Or will the breaking of this fall be too difficult to mend?
Cling on to that glimmer of hope that God knows your pain and your sorrows.